you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
