I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
