Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
