i'm signing you up for texting rehab
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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