so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
why is half of my head shaved?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
