Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
