What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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