So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
