She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
