If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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