i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
