Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
