I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
