Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
