I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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