She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
