he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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