I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
