i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
