I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
