When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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