Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
