Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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