arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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