I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
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