I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
