I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
