walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
