epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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