yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
