i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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