I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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