you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
