I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
