Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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