I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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