I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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