And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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