a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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