I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
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