No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
