i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
