dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
