Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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