plz talk dirty to me
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
