I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
