At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
