he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
