why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
