he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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