and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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