I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
