So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
